Thursday, January 28, 2010

It's Not You, It's YOU!

Dear Friend,

I know you have been there for me these last few years. You stayed up with me during those late and empty nights for months after he left. My eyes swollen and red from crying, my mind too tired to sleep, my soul too hungry to eat.

You listened to me flutter and gush over the love I discovered in someone who's spirit was always by my side. At the same time, I lamented over another loved one drifting away, wrapped in the layers of a golden veil.

You let me rattle on and on while I felt so isolated in a city that was once familiar but then filled with strangers. You listened to my dreams, my fears, my laughter and bitter rants. There were a lot of bitter rants.

Through you, I've been taught music, art and humor. You've told me some of the best damn gossip well BEFORE it turned into a meme. From you there's also been sadness, and a sense of loss too. You have both lifted my spirits and broken my heart.

I'm telling you all of this because I feel the need to distance myself. Damn, this is so very hard to do. If I shut you out, I shut out what feels like my whole world. I have to be strong though. There has to be a day when I become independent of you. It may not be today, it may not be for months, or even years. As hard as it may be though, that day will come when I am strong enough. I will reach that moment when I snap you shut and walk away - your green light blinking silently and alone into oblivion.

You're a freakin lap-top for heavens sake!

Much Love,
Your Trixi


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